Realizations

      It wasn't until this week that I realized the love that I have for the Mr. aka Brett.  Amidst the daily chaos of work, school, and everything else one encounters on the daily, I had put my relationship aside.  When I did that I also put my feelings aside.  I didn't take his feelings into consideration.  I always put what I wanted, or what needed to be done first.  Something in my head clicked, and if I ever want this man to even want to marry me, I need to show him that I can take the time to not worry about the little things going on, that I need to slow down and focus on us with what little time we have together.
      With Brett being in the kitchen at the restaurant from 11am to midnight he is uncommunicable, and me being consumed with nine units of school strapped for time, we both lost communication with eachother.  So when we did have time for each other, it was basically just a re-cap of our day hi-how was your day-good-good-we have this bill due-need gas-groceries-can you please fold your laundry kind of conversation.  Our communication died, and our end of the night exhausted brains had little spark to put energy into conversations.
      The other day I was going through my closet and came across some old school work from my sociology class back from 2006.  I found an assignment I had written a response to titled "Marriage and Communication".  I had written about how important communication is in a marriage.  That couples should always be on the same page, that married couples are a union, but with individualistic traits.  Although Brett and I are not yet married, or even engaged, I still need to look at our relationship as a whole, and as a union.  And that's exactly what I have been doing lately.  I do love my independence when I have it, I enjoy that roll. but I also enjoy being someone's other half.  I can always rely on him being my other half. 
      With my effort of making a change in my life, and slowing down, we are able to enjoy each other's company with out the rush.  The past week has been amazing.  I know every couple wants the outside world to think their relationship is perfect, when behind the scenes it's not.  And those who make it seem like their relationship is above all, are the one's that have the most problems. 
      With that being said, I also came to the realization that I had out of the ball park expectations on wedding rings.  I believe that I was socialized to believe that wedding rings should be nothing less than two karots, or that it has to be a "rock".  Well, living on three figure checks, karot(s) are not possible.  Well it could be possible if the guy wants to make payments every month for the next twenty years, but I would rather have our money go toward something that we could indefinitly show for and have together, a house.  I realized that karots don't symbolize the level of love that one has for the other.  Brett from the beginning saw me as a high standard/maintenance kind of girl that expects top of the line, nothing less.  That is the case in some aspects, but when it comes to wedding rings, I've decided those things don't matter.  The only reason I can think of as to why people want karots is the awe factor.  They don't want other people to think they're poor, or too cheap to buy a good ring.  In my case, I really don't care what others think of a ring that I could possibly have in the future.  All that matters to me is the love inside.
      Now wedding dresses, thats a different story!